


Dancing On The Wind

by Cuthwyn



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Red Hood/Arsenal (Comics)
Genre: Child Death, Grief/Mourning, M/M, angst but with a good feeling?, graveyard, yeah okay it's sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-19
Updated: 2016-12-19
Packaged: 2018-09-09 19:24:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8909026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cuthwyn/pseuds/Cuthwyn
Summary: Graveyards.Faceless names carved onto rock where you leave dying flowers for a corpse.The ritual seemed entirely meaningless to Jason.What was more meaningless though was words spoken to a grieving parent. After all how can you ease the pain of a father who just wants to feel his child again?Maybe all it takes is one dead child to find the other?





	

**Author's Note:**

> First of all?  
> I'm so sorry for this!  
> This is a bit of cathartic writing after a really bad shift at work.  
> It made me cry but that was the point of me writing it.
> 
> I thought I might as well post it. Just incase someone else would like to rip their own heart out?
> 
> I see a lot of fics were Lian exists and is still alive and in a family unit with Roy and Jason. I just thought about it exploring what if she did exist but stilled died?
> 
> *hugs*

Graveyards.  
The endless rows of standing stones and weeping angels. Flowers left for faceless names etched on stones. Rows and rows of corpses rotting in the ground making the grass and shrubbery that grew above luscious shades of green.  
That's all Jason ever saw when he walked familiar gravel paths, stones crunching beneath his boots. Whoever the flowers were left for wasn't here to appreciate them. The idea to him seemed rather pointless, why leave dying flowers for rotting flesh that was just feeding the worms and the plant life?  
Jason scanned the rows of faceless stones as he continued on his search. His grave wasn't in this cemetery, the empty hole in the ground that was still very much his, was miles away in Gotham. Regularly visited by his adopted father even though he knew it contained no body. Again, the ritual seemed pointless and futile.  
His hand tightened around the pink tissue paper that protected his hands from the thorns of the bouquet of red roses he had brought with him. He'd bought a dozen from the florist across the road. An after thought. A token, meaningless, but he knew his words would hold even less meaning so the roses would have to do.  
Sighing, Jason closed his eyes and forced his reluctant legs to keep walking. In the distance he spotted a shadowed figure sat in front of a gravestone, the moonlight illuminating red hair like a halo and Jason's chest tightened.

Jason's words were as meaningless as the roses because in the end? How could he make the pain of losing a child better? Making his way slowly over, Jason silently wished that Bruce was here instead. Bruce would probably know what to say. He'd been there, Jason had been dead, had not heard those words. He was kind of glad that he'd never know them.   
On second thoughts, maybe Bruce not being here was good idea after all.  
'Roy?' Jason called out softly at the man sat in the early spring frost still dressed in the boxer shorts and tshirt he slept in. His partner had been in bed for days now, only vanishing this evening while Jason had been cooking a dinner he knew wouldn't be eaten.  
Roy didn't seem to hear him. Reaching out, the grieving father ran trembling fingers across his daughter's name.  
Lian Harper.  
Another faceless name carved into rock.  
Her name wasn't faceless to Roy though.  
To him the name on the rock belonged to a bright, bubbly little girl with brown eyes and dark hair drawn up into ponytails. The name belonged to a five year old girl who liked the aquarium even if she could never pronounce the word and adored her father, wanted to be just like him when she grew up. But she never did.

Jason wasn't completely blind. He knew that the faceless names meant something to someone else no one would have bothered to carve them otherwise.  
His mother, Shelia had her name carved in stone next to his.  
His mom, Catherine and his dad, Willis didn't. He had carved their names into a tree on the grounds of Wayne Manor.  
Jason had never lost a child but he knew death and grief intimately.

Crouching down next to his partner, Jason placed a grounding hand on his shoulder, feeling the sobs that wracked his body. They were not even a snippet of the pain the man felt.  
'Roy?' He called again, chewing on his bottom lip, he noticed that only two bouquets of flowers were placed on the grave. One from Oliver and another from Jade.  
'Roy, here. I gots you these for Lian?'  
Sniffing, Roy blinked up at Jason in surprise, as if he hadn't even noticed the hand on his shoulder, before his gaze settled on the twelve red roses in Jason's hand.  
'H-How?'  
Jason gave a very hollow chuckle and sat down next to Roy, handing over the flowers to him.  
'One, it's March third where else would you be? I get anniversaries Harper, mines next month after all. Secondly? You forgot to put on pants, so I doubted you'd have the cognitive thought to go to a florist. I'm kinda impressed you made it here in one piece.'  
Taking the flowers, Roy studied them before looking up atJason with wet eyes.  
'They're beautiful, Lian would love 'em. Thank you so much.' Roy gushed, tears falling down his cheeks again.  
Shaking his head, Jason rested his hand on top of Roy's and smiled warmly, tears of his own welling in his eyes.  
'I told the florist to make sure they're fit for a princess.'   
He hadn't meant to cry. This wasn't his death to mourn, but his voice broke before he could finish and before he knew it he was resting his forehead against Roy's, grieving with him. His spare hand, grasping the back of Roy's tshirt, feeling him doing the same to his jacket.  
Together they placed Roy's flowers down next to Jade and Oliver's. In Jason's mind neither really outdid the others. Meaningless tokens for a dead child, how could anyone out do that?

'I miss her Jay. S-sometimes I sit and watch y'cookin' and I can see her. I-I can see her sat on the counter as you teach her to cook proper. She'd laugh that laugh of hers and help y'mix the bowl.'  
Roy mumbled through his tears, looking up at his daughter's name on the rock. 'She'd have loved you, Jaybird.'  
'I'd have loved to have met her.' Jason replied with more emotion than he intended. He wasn't lying though, he really would have loved to teach Lian how to cook like Roy described or to read her a story at bedtime, teach her Spanish. Roy would've approved of that one because Oliver couldn't speak Spanish and it would have driven him up the wall.  
'You'd have been a good dad.'  
Blinking at the strange statement, Jason couldn't help but look around Roy for empty cans or needles.  
'You are a good dad, Roy.'   
Shaking his head, Roy huffed a bitter laugh and broke down into another round of tears.  
'A good dad doesn't get his kid killed. A good dad would have been there, would've saved her.  
I couldn't save her! I wasn't there to save her! How is that a good dad Jason? How!'  
Roaring in a pain Jason could only imagine, Roy beat his fists down onto the ground over and over again. Jason didn't know what to do. He hadn't lost a child.   
'You are a good dad, Roy.' Jason repeated himself uselessly. Grabbing hold of Roy's fists he fought his partner to keep purchase of them. He made sure not to look at the dirt and blood covered fists, now was not the time to be triggered. 'She was happy Roy, and loved. That's what made you a good dad! She died knowing that you loved her. In death there is no greater comfort than knowing that you were loved.'

'How the fuck do you know that?' Roy snapped viciously, before freezing, remembering who he was yelling at. Closing his eyes, he turned away and wiped at his cheeks in a vain attempt to stop crying.  
'She knew you. Lian. I made sure she knew about you.' Roy muttered, eyes falling to the flowers he huffed a slight laugh. 'Dick and I, we used to take her to your grave. She always insisted that she picked out the flowers. She was adamant that you liked red roses. Even in winter! Dick spent hours one October trailing Gotham in search of red roses, nothing else would do.' Fresh tears dropped on his cheeks again and he turned to look back at Jason's dumbfounded expression. 'Life has a funny way of turning things around.'  
Jason looked from Roy to the roses in silence, he hadn't known that anyone except Bruce had visited his grave. However, he supposed he didn't stop to read the notes on the flowers when he'd clawed his way out.   
Red roses.  
There was a flash of a crumpled bunch beneath torn bloody fingers, trampled in the mud. Shuddering, Jason shook the image from his mind and looked back at Roy. He didn't say anything, what could he say? He couldn't take the pain away. He couldn't take Lian's place and give her back to her father, as much as he desired to. So he just sat, and waited. He sat in the mud as Roy sobbed and grieved and was just, there. 

Roy seemed to appreciate this and eventually cried himself out, sniffing into Jason's shoulder. Jason tried not to think about the snotty stains on his leather jacket and instead noticed how his partner shivered in the brisk evening breeze. Without a second thought, Jason unzipped his jacket and placed it around Roy's shoulders.  
'Come on Harper, it's time to go.'  
'No!' Shaking his head violently, Roy fell forwards and clutched the gravestone as if it were actually his daughter. 'I'm not leaving. I won't leave her Jason.'  
'Roy come on, we've got to go, you're cold.' Jason tried to reason, a little alarmed by the way Roy hugged the stone.   
'No. I can't leave Lian here. Look, look at the frost Jason! She must be so cold in the ground, all alone in the dark. She won't like it. Lian! My Lian.'  
'For God's sake Roy she's not there!' Jason snapped, eyes widening in disbelief at what had just left his mouth. Roy halted his painful lament and turned to blink at him owlishly and Jason swallowed. He couldn't have been more heartless and inappropriate if he'd tried.  
'What did you say?'   
Roy's words were monotonous, despite his best efforts Jason could not glean an emotion from them, had no idea how badly he had fucked up.   
'I-I said that she isn't there. In the ground. She isn't there.' Jason mumbled, blushing in shame he turned away when Roy's eyes sparked in what he thought to be anger.  
'Of course she's there! I watched her being lowered in the ground. I saw her in her coffin. She's in the damn ground Jason! Don't go all psychotic on me now!'

'I'm not psychotic Roy! She's not fucking there alright?' Jason snarled back, tears stinging his eyes he scrambled to his feet and flew an angry arm out towards the grave.'That is just a polished rock with a name and a date carved on it. Not Lian. What you lowered into that ground was a body Roy, a cadaver. Nothing of what was in that coffin was Lian. It was just flesh dressed in fabric and put in a wooden box. All that is in that ground is a rotting corpse that's feeding the plants. That's not Lian. It never was. It's just a shell, Lian's not there.'   
Running a hand down his face, Jason turned away knowing that he'd fucked up, so he might as well explain himself before Roy left him. No one ever did understand it.  
'Lian's not in the ground. She's gone. She's warm and she's loved and all she knows is that she's waiting for you, Roy. She doesn't mind the wait, time doesn't exist.'  
Turning back, he glanced over at Roy and shrugged a shoulder.  
'The stone, the flowers I get it Roy, okay? If coming here and crying next to a rock with some dying flowers and saying meaningless words helps, then go for it. I'll be here but Lian won't. I'm sorry.'

He didn't wait to hear the tirade of hate filled abuse that was going to be thrown at him. He deserved every word, Jason knew that but he just couldn't take it. Not off Roy, never off him.  
So he ran all the way back to his bike, leaning against it for support he forced himself to breathe through his tears. Forced himself to just breathe, to be, to live.  
'How dare you!'  
Flinching, Jason turned to see Roy stood glowering at him, tears of his own still running down his cheeks. Any other time he would have looked hilarious. Stood on the sidewalk in just his tshirt, boxers and Jason's leather jacket, the odd converse really pulled the crazy look off perfectly.  
Stepping forwards, Roy slapped him hard across the face and Jason went with it. He deserved that, and the second one that came soon after.  
'No one has ever said that to me!'  
'I'm sorry, Roy. I-'  
There was another slap and sure Jason had been an asshole but this was starting to get tedious.  
'No you shut up! You shut up and let me speak, Jason.' Roy yelled, limbs trembling from cold and emotion alike. 'How dare you say that to me'  
'I'm sorry plea-'  
'I said shut up.' Roy snapped, baring his teeth, his eyes scanned Jason as if looking for something. 'You-you said that to me and think you can just run off into the night? Fuck you, you stupid ass piece of shit! No one has ever said that to me. No one has ever told me that my daughter isn't in her grave. Only you. You of all people. Now, you listen and you listen good Jason Todd!'  
Taking a stuttering breath all the anger seems to just evaporate, and the look in Roy's eyes made Jason's heart ache.   
It was the look of a parent who'd lost their child, he'd seen it enough times. A frantic mum or dad running up to him. Not caring that it was the Red Hood, just knowing that he could find their child in that burning building or whatever disaster had taken place. It confused Jason to see it in Roy's eyes, he knew his child couldn't be saved, Lian was dead.  
'Please Jason just tell me. I haven't felt her. I haven't felt her for so long. Not at her graveside, not even in the morgue, Jason! I held her cold body in my arms and it looked like Lian but it wasn't. You're right, she wasn't there! So where is she? Where is she Jason? Take me to her! Please, I-I just want to be with my little girl again.' Roy practically begged, dropping to his knees he grasped Jason's jeans desperately. 'Please Jaybird.'

Jason stared and then just stared some more. Roy wasn't mad at him for saying what he did, he was mad at him for running away. Roy wanted to be with Lian but why on earth did he think he could help him with that? Unless-  
Inhaling sharply, Jason felt his blood run cold and he placed a hand on his gun.  
'No.'  
'What? Jay-'  
Scowling, Jason shook his head and hauled his partner up to his feet to give him a long hard stare.  
'It's shit, life is shit okay Harper? I get it, but I am not going to kill you!'  
Roy blinked at him dumbly, before sniffing and pulling his arm free from Jason's grasp.  
'No, no that's not what I meant. You said Lian didn't mind waiting? I just wanna feel her again. Jaybird please?'  
Jason stepped back and nodded slightly, finally understanding what Roy meant. Running a hand over his bike, he chewed his lip, deep in thought. He fixed up his bike when he wanted to think about Willis.  
'O-Okay Roy. I'll show you where Lian is. Get on.' Jason mumbled, not bothering to see if his partner was following him as he started it up. Feeling Roy's arms encircle his waist, his body pressed up against his back, Jason drove off.  
This was going to be sheer dumb luck if he got it right, but Jason had to try. He'd do anything to help Roy.   
He knew good dads, dads that weren't Willis, took their kids to the park to play. Parents normally took their kids to the parks nearest to where they lived for an easy life.  
Jason knew roughly where Roy had lived with Lian so he headed in that direction, scanning the streets for a play park.  
He felt Roy tighten his grip as they past through his old neighbourhood but finally, finally Jason caught sight of a play park and pulled up next to it. Motioning for Roy to follow, he hopped off and leant his bike against the railing.

Roy looked the sheer definition of confused as he turned from Jason to the play park.  
'Did you take her here to play?' Jason asked without emotion, eyes scanning the play equipment in a calculating manner.  
'Here?'  
'Yeah, Roy here. Did she come here?'  
Following Jason's gaze, Roy swallowed thickly and nodded, tears welling in his eyes again.  
'Yes, whenever she could persuade someone to take her, so nearly everyday. Sometimes more. She's not here Jason. This is a play park. A deserted play park at this hour!'  
Smiling, Jason flicked a look over at Roy and opened the gate, feeling how the air seemed to just hum around him.  
'Yeah she is. Like you said, Harper, Lian came here whenever she could. Come on.'  
Stepping onto the cushiony chipped bark, Jason's smile grew when he heard Roy following behind him.  
'Jaybird, this is just a park. That's all. Are you sure you're feeling well?' Roy asked, eyeing Jason up in concern.  
'Not psychotic, Harper. What did Lian like playing on the most?'  
'The roundabout. Jason, I really don't think-'  
Before he could utter another word however, Jason was tugging him over to the roundabout and making him stand on it.  
'This is a child's plaything. For children!' Roy protested in exasperation. Jason just laughed and spun it around before hopping on himself, grinning as if he were a little boy.   
'Exactly. Now quit whining and close your eyes, like y'do at the grave. Close your eyes and feel Lian, Roy. Feel her.'  
Giving him a very disbelieving look, Roy shook his head and closed his eyes. He could feel the roundabout spinning him around. Like when he took Lian here and she made him ride it with her.  
He almost gave up and went to yell at Jason to let him go home when, in the rush of the wind against his ears, he'd could almost hear a giggle he'd thought he had forgotten the sound of.

'Faster, Daddy! Spins me faster!'  
'Steady Pumpkin. If I spin you faster you'll fly away and then how will I find you?'  
'Don't be silly billy, Daddy. You always finds me and I nots a pumpkin!'

Gasping at the memory that played in front of him so vividly, Roy could have sworn he was hallucinating, he had to tighten his grip on the safety bars to steady himself. Roy sank slowly down to his knees, an animalistic wail leaving lips that he barely recognised was coming from him. Lian's laughter was here and it ricocheted through him like a bullet until it hit his heart, warmth bursting through him on impact. Popping inside him like sparkles, glitter and fairy dust.

Lian was here.   
All this time he had spent without her and now she was here, he could feel her with him.

'Spins me faster, Daddy!'

Huffing a laugh through tears he hadn't known were there, Roy glanced across to see Jason kneeling down with him with a solemn, knowing smile.  
All this time he had been searching for his daughter and in the end, it had been another dead child who had lead him to her.  
'Thank you.'   
Roy finally managed to vocalise, reaching out a trembling hand towards Jason.  
Taking it, Jason just carried on smiling before closing his own eyes and titling his head back a bit.  
'Hello Lian. My names Jason. Your dad missed you.'  
Roy felt himself smile too and squeezed Jason's hand. He could hear Lian's giggling dancing on the wind.  
'She loves you, Jaybird. I always knew she would.'


End file.
